Childhood

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Been smacked by a harsh reality of life yesterday. Ever since, I have been pelted with constant flashbacks of my life – bittersweet reminiscence of my past. I won’t share my past today, only to voice how I miss being being a child….

“The innocent escape from worries..”

“Loving mcDonald’s just because it is yummy..”

“Laughing because i’m happy, not because I need to..”

“Jumping on my parent’s bed because it feels like i’m flying..”

“Tying my shoelaces repeatedly until they look like the ribbon shown in my story book..”

“Mummy nagging at my attempt to skip teethbrushing because I thought it was a hassle..”

“Miss the ringing of my school bells..”

.

“I miss when life wasn’t so complicated…”

<3,

Ben K. Siew

Uncategorized August 26th 2010

Connect

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connect |kəˈnekt|

verb [ trans. ] (often be connected).

bring together or into contact so that a real or notional link is established:

.

<3,

KinG!

Reflections July 4th 2010

Going Public!

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Face it. It’s Inevitable. You can’t travel with your car forever.

Car’s in the workshop, you’re attending an event where roads will be blocked, carpark rates going at 3 pathetic bucks/ hr. You have absolutely no choice but to travel public. I did, and it’s bloody refreshing.

Time for preparation before you head out would usually take longer, you’re suddenly acquainted with the fact that people you travel along with will somehow lay an eye on you, checking you out when you step into a bus/train. Not because I’m hot, but because they’re so totally bored with the journey they will simply stare at you as if you’re one of their subject of forensic investigation. You’ve got more things to pack – iPod, a book, some water, sunnies & a whole load of rubbish just so you might be bored along the journey. You make sure the t-shirt you’re wearing is decent – no holes, no stretched collar, no smell. The perpetual “last-check” moment before you leave house, because you didn’t want to miss anything out.

Taking the train suddenly became a chore, looking at the ever-expanding network of stations. No longer the experience during secondary school days where only the straightforward N-S / E-W line exist. You suddenly find yourself relearning a whole lexicon of new MRT terminologies.

Getting an EZ-Link card:

‘Hello! Can I get a card from you?’, I said

‘What card?’

‘The train card, the one you use to scan’, explaining with a mind trying to remember the right name for the card.

‘Oh, you mean EZ-Link card ah? How come you don’t have?’, the lady replied with a WTF look on her face.

‘Cause I never needed one until today’

‘Zzzzzzzz…..’

Lady snatched the money, threw me the card and I walked off.

The whole Mass Rapid Transit system might be going on a perpetual evolution with time, but something strikingly didn’t – The idiotic manners & etiquette of Singaporeans. There I went into the train, 1st person i saw upon entering, was a pregnant lady standing up & holding on to her “what seems to be time to give birth” tummy. Struggling to stable herself. I instinctively looked across the priority seats, 2 old ladies (ok, pardonable), 1 sleeping beauty and 1 bloke who looked like he had never missed a match of world cup since it’s opening – painfully sleepy. Oh well, i’m none the better. Because I did what most Singaporean would – Couldn’t be bothered. Held on to the pole, took out my book and started reading.

Next station, came next to me, was a lady with a ponytail. Just when the train started moving, she leaned her whole body onto the pole, completely oblivious to my hand that was my only anchor to the train. Annoyed, I moved my hands upwards. And she can’t keep her head still, swerving left & right as if she was practicing for her impending dance lesson; and so, the brushing of her hair against my hand. FUCK ME. I shifted to the doors.

What better place than a train will you be able to see the most hideous fashion statements amongst commuters – Chinese lady with a trench coat & a furred hood. WTF? Malay bloke with a beanie & was perspiring so much the rim of the beanie was wet. WTF? 16-ish sheepish looking girl with red eye-shadow & red contact lenses. WTF? A gay with sleeveless t-shirt so tight his nipple might just be piercing thru the bloody wrap on him. WTF?

Of cause! What goes up, must come down. There’s always a flipside to things.

Bus trip to AMK MRT + Train Trip to City Hall + Train Trip back to AMK + Bus back home only cost me less than 5 bucks! If I had driven today to wherever I was suppose to. Petrol would have costed me 20bucks + the carparking fees. Damn I’m such a super saver, for today. :P

Anyhow! Gonna be a few more days of public transport before I’m back to status quo. Maybe I might get all used to public transport and go absolutely green without a car.

Nah. Not gonna happen :)

<3,

KinG!

Personal June 27th 2010

The Blame Game

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No one likes getting blamed –  For things they have done, or for things they didn’t do. For things they have done but thought was right, or for things they didn’t do because they thought it was wrong. For things they know was right but did wrongly, or for things they did even though they knew was wrong….

Problem is, the notion of blame is inevitable. It is only human to sometimes put the wrong on others to feel better about oneself. Fuck part about blame? – The consequences after it. The heal, the mending or sometimes the rot after all these blame.

Sometimes, blame really do not just involve the what most seems logical , between 2 parties. After a long stare at the ceiling while i tried to drift myself into dreamland (obviously, I can’t), I’ve concluded blame into a few dimensions.

Intended Blame:

This is obviously the most common in the many facets of life. Between couples, parents & children, between friends, even strangers:

‘If you’ve fixed the bloody heater on time, I wouldn’t have to shower in the cold’

If you’ve not been out all day, you would have finished your homework’

‘if you’ve put in more effort at work, your boss would have promoted you instead of John’

‘If you’ve reached earlier, we would have caught the bus on time’

……

Unintended Blame:

They are more actions than words – Stomping your feet out of the room; slamming the door; turning your back on your love ones; complaining about your husband/ wife to your best friend. All these, although without intently putting a blame on the other party, precipitate the same emotion or sentiments.

Self-Blame:

How many times have you heard the statement ‘It’s not your fault’ after an accident/incident which were totally unpredictable . Honestly, are you the one to be blamed or not is besides the point. Point right now is about the things you’ve done, which may have caused harm, though unintended, to people involved. You can’t help but to feel the sense of profound indebtedness to the person, especially so if he/she is somebody you love and care for so deeply. It is the pain you solicit from the unfortunate event, not really the guilt of causing what has happened. It is the love for the someone, and not because of what caused it.

You can’t escape from blame, no one can. It is how you steel yourself amidst all these pain you’ve caused. To heal, to mend & to say sorry.

<3,

KinG!

Reflections June 22nd 2010

The feeling is like….

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“Walking in a desolated dessert, scotching sun desiccating every possible hint of moisture from your lifeless body.

Every painful step sinks your blistering feet into the scathing terrain. As you gaze aimlessly into the fading path ahead of you….. An oasis appear.”

Bloody Refreshing.

I like =)

<3,

KinG!

Reflections June 16th 2010

Short post before I end my day.

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Something surreal happened today. I Like.

<3,

KinG!

Uncategorized June 13th 2010

Random Quote

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Not often you come across one so poignant yet incredibly simple quote/poem:

.

“You see, I loved her.

It was love at first sight,

at last sight,

at ever and ever sight.”

– Lolita (*Me Shrugs*)

<3,

KinG!

Reflections June 10th 2010

I’m getting older and it scares me how long it took me to realize it

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I woke up today suddenly realizing I’m getting really old. So I took a good 30mins on my queen sized bed, co-sharing with 2 huge teddy bears, just feeding myself with the realities of aging.

I’m hitting 30 next year! That scares me. That’s largely because i’m confused if I’ve actually achieved anything much in life in my past 3 decades breathing air and eating junks. Lets see …

  • Primary School: I hated primary school, life was sickening. Pointless tutions. Endless hours catching fighting spiders, trading street fighters/ world cup stickers, fighting world flags erasers (of cause, crying when i lost my first king -> the USA eraser). Joint lion dance, performed on stage as the pathetic cymbal player and got beng-lified. Never really studied for PSLE, achieved 174 points and grad from school. Period.
  • Secondary School: Life started turning better. Parents no longer pressed you for good grades. Got into a military band, made real friends; performed gloriously infront of many crowds during X’mas as a Xylophone soloist; never fail to thrill my mom with my Wipe Out drum solo; took the royal school of music examinations for percussion and got a top scorer award (distinction); performed with elite music students from all walks of life; studied hard for ‘N’ levels, got 4th in the school; studied harder for ‘O’ but backfired. Got decent results, left for polytechnic.
  • Polytechnic: 3 years of arty – farty life as a Industrial Design Student!! Made many many good friends, both students & lecturers. (actually tt’s about what i can remember about polytechnic)
  • Turning point in life – The Army – Who would have known that i would start my career in an organization grounded with much professionalism & regimentation. Worked so hard in OCS, awarded the Platoon Best award in Service Term 1, Wing Best Award in Service Term 2 and the Sword of Honour in Professional Term. Awarded a Military Study Award, went overseas for degree in Industrial Design for 2 years and back shortly after to hone military and life skills ever since then. (Probably the highlight of my life goes to this phase of life, knowing that hard work really does pay off)
  • University – 2 years in Sydney, Australia. Life was hard and lonely, constantly missing home, cash was always insufficient. Worked like a buffalo everyday with that aim in mind – Degree with Good Honours. I was glad I made it.
  • Back to work – Graduated and started working professionally until now…

HOW MUNDANE MY FUCKING LIFE CAN BE! Now something more heart-warming…..

As predictable as most of my entry can get, I can’t help but to still mention one of my greatest milestone in life – To finally found the love of my life. As random and “by-chance” how we both met, I’m still thankful everyday to god I’ve got the opportunity to share my life with her. This amazing gal might not have realized it but she has lighted up my once a cold and dark life, to a life so blissful and worthy. I Love You, Sherrie Chua Weilin.

Now looking back, have i really achieved anything? Am i really happy with what I have right now? Any other aspiration?

I think I have. But I know I have many things I’ve yet to achieved. Until the time comes…..

<3,

KinG!

Personal June 8th 2010

It’s time.

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It’s been months since i’ve last wrote an entry properly. Life had been a roller coster-ing ride. However busy work can be, suck life had been, loss my mind had been – I think it’s apt i should stop what i’ve been doing, slow down and reconsolidate life.

Memories have been failing me – Short point forms on what flashed past my life the past months.

1. Countless hours of work.

2. Bidding farewell (The happy one) – To my dedicated bunch of old 3SGs within my company.

3. Bidding farewell (The heart wrenching one) – To my dearest Aunty who lost the brave fight against Breast Cancer. Rest in Peace my dear Aunty. You are greatly miss by all of us.

4. Taking over Command of Falcon Company – Life had since been really challenging, tiring, busy. Full of satisfaction nevertheless!

5. Ups and Downs in relationship – I love my relationship with Missus. I love her a lot. But i’m only bluffing myself if this relationship is nothing but a fairytale.

6. I lost weight! – 7kg in 2 months. Largely contributed to my poor state of health. I’ve been falling sick too easily. 3 episodes of fever in 4 months. The last episode being the worst. High fever during 41SAR first FTX. I had to take medication just to suppress the fever for the 4 days 3 nights mission. My heart was pumping like an overworked engine every step I took throughout the 4 excruciating days & 3 sleepless night. But i survived; I’m proud I did.

7. Everything suddenly seems unimportant – You know when your body starts failing. I’m currently experiencing it right now. You suddenly feel that health and happiness are all that matter in life. You only want to recover from whatever you’re suffering. Amidst the challenging quest to good health, you feel the dire need to contribute good to every single line connected to your life. I just want to spend my time with Missus like I might be dead the next day. Every hug I give to her, naturally comes with a peck on her. Every look into her eyes, naturally comes with an unspoken “I love you”. Everytime you reach home, your eyes glow with the sight of your family, everytime i see my mum, I have the urge to run to her, give her a hug like how we all did when we were young.

As morbid as my thoughts can be – I just want to live longer than I feel I can.

I’m afraid.

<3,

KinG!

Personal June 6th 2010

Taking the “next” first step

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This is life. As you procrastinate, you will continue to procrastinate further… and you will procrastinate further … and further….

Fuck , Y’all get the gist.

I’ve got so much things to talk about, but where do I being? I don’t even know where to start.

Or maybe I should everything from today? Or from where i think i should?

This is getting pointless.

I should just start, tomorrow.

I miss my baby.

<3,

KinG!

Personal May 17th 2010